Thursday, 16 April 2015

sækrɪfaɪs - Sacrifice

This is my first post in while simply because I don't think I have anything valuable to say. Now, I think I do have something to add. Something totally new and ground shaking

2 days before I should be running the Plymouth half marathon I am writing a post about sacrifice, Why? As if the answer isn't obvious.

In my studies and when I read about the pros racing they talk about sacrifice and the great patience of their friends and family. I have given up many small things for my ambitions. Now I am having to make bigger and bigger cuts. This requires a selfish streak and a inflated sense of self importance.

Making sacrifices for my studies has been easier. This is not to say the things and people I have given up for medicine are minor but the rationalisation is easier to make. Friends and family are very forgiving about missing birthdays and social dinners for some exam or practical but less so for a race where I am likely to finish somewhere around 30th out of 32.

I have had a list of races I have entered or wish to enter for 2015 on a post it since October last year. The Plymouth Half was third. It is/was important for me to go back and make right the wrongs my last outing. The Exeter half was marred by the mental hole I dug for myself and so this at the scene of the first Half battle was were I was hoping to seek retribution and a sub 2hr. This race was meant to be the beginning of me hitting my targets at a race. Instead I am going to be sitting on the side lines and cheering on my friends who are still running.

My dodgy knee is only part of the reason for my not running. 2 years ago I would have charged ahead, racing regardless as finishing was the most important thing. Finishing was the ultimate goal. Now not so much. If I am going to sacrifice friends birthday's, nights in the pub and lie-ins I don't want to just finish. I know I can run a half marathon or cycle 100km and my attitude has matured. I still enjoy the challenge, I love the feeling that I am using my God given body productively. No more was it just about finishing, now it is about quality of the finish.

So I am digging up those vast reserves of selfishness and self importance and using them as motivational jet fuel. I am using the knowledge that I can finish and building on that. I look at previous results and think I am faster than this.

I am faster than this

I am fast

I used to be a lot more mixed about my ambitions, but the sting of these sacrifices has really hit home. If I am going to give up these tiny sublime pleasures then I shall make sure it was bloody worth it.

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